Freeze in Awakening
“But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” - Hebrew 10:39
How could I have ever thought of myself being a 30 year-old today, single, unkempt, renting, with a mediocre career, still wearing T-shirts from the days in college (undergraduate mind you), and be up late at night writing about some hurting passion that has no worth in this world? Today most of my friends have either married or become parents, if they haven’t had their second babies or purchased their second home. The world is moving on, my stage of youth is now a history, my younger brother Ed had just bought a home and my parents are now ever-aging. Am I falling off the wagon, losing out on the opportunity, blindsided by my idealism, or just plain stupid? I am not sure why I never felt strong enough to cling on to the train of life, or for that matter when I tried something else would pull me out of the track. Nonetheless deep down the heart constantly battles after treasures in this life or the next, it yearns for something real, cries after loneliness, and prays to be lifted off to a better place. The war begins every morning as I lay awake in bed; it never fails to hear the voice of condemnation. I will choose to look after your sheep Jesus, to look after your sheep, and after I have done all I can, to look after your sheep. But where is my place in this world? When I look back in my last dying breath will everything finally makes sense, or are you going to present yourself larger than a gentle nudge?
Show me a true heart that knows no fear Lord.
How could I have ever thought of myself being a 30 year-old today, single, unkempt, renting, with a mediocre career, still wearing T-shirts from the days in college (undergraduate mind you), and be up late at night writing about some hurting passion that has no worth in this world? Today most of my friends have either married or become parents, if they haven’t had their second babies or purchased their second home. The world is moving on, my stage of youth is now a history, my younger brother Ed had just bought a home and my parents are now ever-aging. Am I falling off the wagon, losing out on the opportunity, blindsided by my idealism, or just plain stupid? I am not sure why I never felt strong enough to cling on to the train of life, or for that matter when I tried something else would pull me out of the track. Nonetheless deep down the heart constantly battles after treasures in this life or the next, it yearns for something real, cries after loneliness, and prays to be lifted off to a better place. The war begins every morning as I lay awake in bed; it never fails to hear the voice of condemnation. I will choose to look after your sheep Jesus, to look after your sheep, and after I have done all I can, to look after your sheep. But where is my place in this world? When I look back in my last dying breath will everything finally makes sense, or are you going to present yourself larger than a gentle nudge?
Show me a true heart that knows no fear Lord.
posted by Andrew Chen at 2:30 AM
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